1. He’s a bigger user of spin and BS than even Tony Blair, and Blair was bad enough.

Latest proof? Well, we all now know about Damian McBride, former No.10 Downing Street close adviser to Brown, and the email smear campaigns. And, as to be predicted, Bad ol Brown distanced himself from McBride and his disgusting shenanigans, as if by employing McBride as his own special adviser was no reflection on his own lack of moral worth. Yet keep in mind that in 2005 Brown was warned twice about McBride being an unsuitable candidate for the status of special adviser – by no less than the head of the civil service and then permanent secretary to the Treasury, Sir Gus O’Donnell. Where are the days when a leader would take responsibility for his or her team’s actions?

Instead, Bad ol’ Brown gave one of a number of nauseating apologies for McBride’s actions. Should we believe him? Does Brown merit vindication and should we really believe he had nothing to do with McBride’s tactics and nastiness? When you remember the fact that Brown as Chancellor employed Charlie Whelan as his spin doctor (read: BS and press bullyboy) from 1992-1999, surely the answer is a resounding no? I would argue that Brown is guilty of colluding with, supporting and valuing spin, bullying and manipulation of the media and the public in turn. We all know that Brown has a history of spinning and manipulating and politicking behind the scenes and leaking shit onto his adversaries (including Tony Blair), and he did it using the nefarious services of Whelan.

2. He’s a “Creative Accountant”

A friggin manipulator of actual figures, inherited from his and Blair’s respect for Thatcher’s massaging of the figures (such as unemployment) – as Chancellor of the Exchequer, he became a real whizz at double- and even triple-counting the same budget for initiatives, yet each time announcing with Blair that new investment or new initiatives were being made – bollocks: it was the same bloody money – there was no “new”! He’s also not been frank about Britain’s debt. Care for a few among the myriad of news examples to support these claims?

• Britain’s real debt is worse than presented by Brown
• Creative accounting – so much for Prudence
• Britain’s Boom under Brown was a ‘Mirage’

3. He’s a Muppet

What’s a muppet, you ask? Yes, one definition we all know and love from the 70s and 80s is (n.) a soft, cuddly toy and wonderfully amusing. But the secondary definition applies always in the world of human beings: (n.) someone who, among other things, is useless, incompetent, pathetic, stupid, wilfully ignorant, just plain ignorant, ridiculous, irritating, insensitive, cruel, unkind, manipulative and dangerous to the health of the nation, community and people at large.

Example of a happy muppet. Yes, we love the cuddly, funny-happy-looking muppets of The Muppet Show.

Example of a miserable bastard muppett. No, we bloody hate the real-world-human being-muppets, such as this one here.

4. He’s a Hypocrite – He Admires Courage but Has No Balls

He’s spoken on numerous occasions about the importance of courage, and how much he admires courageous people. He’s even spoken on the importance of moral courage in these difficult economic times, and that our behaviour in these times will define us as a people and nation. Embarrassing gnat’s piss bollockfarts.

After all, how courageous was he not to call an election when he had the chance. Such dithering meant he lost the chance of winning the majority of the minority who would have voted nowadays (after all only 21.59% of the electorate voted for Blair in 2005). Instead Brown prevaricated, flummoxed, doodled, burbled and dithered, in between numerous conflicting messages that dribbled from his Cabinet. The one chance he had to seize a mandate of his own, and he ballsed it up bigger than the balls on a neolithic pig. Why? Because he was afraid that, after years of whining and whinging and thqweeming (that’s a posh girl with bad teeth who can’t talk proper) at Tony to piss off and let him have some fun in the Prime Minister’s chair, he wouldn’t be elected on his own right. What sort of courage is that?

Brown’s talents for hypocrisy even extend to having written a boring, fawning book on courageous people he admires -here you can listen to him at the Guardian Hay Festival in 2007 talking about his heroes with the fawning Mariella Frostrup (if you can be bothered to register on the site and cough up £1 to download the audio).

If that wasn’t enough, he’s had the bloody nerve (not the courage, of course) to write another one on war-time courage. Shame that he couldn’t have taken at least one leaf out of his books, or one iota of courage from his heroes and applied it to his own reckoning.

Shame that he’s learnt nothing from Martin Luther King, one of his heroes, when it came to the Illegal War on Iraq. Where was his courage then, like Claire Short and Robin Cook? Of course he had no courage – he was only focused on keeping shtum as his eye was always, always on the main prize: becoming Prime Minister.

And if he’s so bloody courageous, why is it that he only ever spouts condemnation of Robert Mugabe and his regime, but never – along with all other leaders of the world -ever actually does anything? Because moral condemnation is useless and hypocritical and meaningless (and incredibly easy) without action – especially if the country in which the regime exists has no oil to exploit, as with Iraq – so isn’t considered worthy of action because where’s the financial motivation or the geographical value?

5. He’s a Magician of the Worst Sort: When He’s in Trouble – Watch Him Do Sleight of Hand

Have you ever noticed that, consistently – every time – he’s in trouble in the news for having failed or fucked up on something, within days there’s an announcement of a new initiative or policy or funds. Anything, frankly, he thinks, that will take the British people’s and media’s eye off the ball and help us forget or lose sight of the most recent cock-up bloody mess he’s made. Does he think we’re muppets just because he’s a friggin muppet?

PETITION GORDON BROWN TO GO! If you’re a UK citizen and want Gordon Brown to go, please take action and vote for him to bugger off. Add your name to the No.10 Downing Street Petition for him to do just that – the more that sign, the louder our voice and the more difficult it will be to ignore us. At the very least, we’ll embarrass him in the way he’s embarrassed our country.

Take the Poll!